There comes a time when you really, really can’t/won’t/shouldn’t turn on a faucet manually, and you think, “Why don’t they make a faucet you can turn on with your elbow?” They do. And these are those times.
1. You tried a new dry rub on that pork roast. Funny, the recipe didn’t mention your hands would be quite this stained.
2. You found his retainer … at the bottom of the trash can. That was after you cleaned out the fridge and dumped all of that slimy spoiled food into … the trash can.
3. Your dear, sweet child is going through a face-painting phase. We’re sure it’ll pass, but until it does, just keep on perfecting those tiger stripes.
4. You and your child are neck and neck in the baking battle to see who emerges most covered in flour. Just focus on how good those cookies are going to taste with a glass of wine.
5. You had to clean the litter box, but you couldn’t find the scoop. You’re not proud of it, but sometimes these things happen.
6. You thought you put the blender lid on tight enough. You thought wrong.
7. Make French toast, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. All that egg-milk mixture. Everywhere.
8. Your pen just went POP! You probably can’t save your shirt, but you can at least try to save your hands.
9. When a piece of raw chicken slips out of the package, and you catch it right before it hits the ground. #salmonellaproblems
10. You wanted to help make her science fair volcano the fizziest, bubbliest one in the joint. Fizz, splash, splatter. You probably overshot.
11. You just can’t even. The exertion that’s needed to turn a handle may just put you over the edge. And it’s only Tuesday?! Sigh.