Every family’s got one: a person who truly tests the limits of a shared bathroom. And while loving this offender despite his or her slovenly habits can be difficult, it’s certainly possible—and it all starts with a proper diagnosis. Are you living with one of these seven bathroom mess makers? If so, you have our deepest sympathies.
This guy is a real magician: Somehow, he manages to adequately brush his teeth while simultaneously smearing all of the toothpaste around the sink and onto the vanity. And the smoosher doesn’t like the clear, thin toothpaste—never! Instead, he hunts for the veritable tooth caulk that leaves behind little globs that cling to the sink for dear life.
This LeBron James wannabe practices three-pointers from the sink, using cotton balls, bandages and tissues as balls and the bathroom trashcan as the hoop. All that practice is futile, though, because he (or she) will miss the target without fail—and rather than admit to poor aim by picking up his sorry shots, he’ll turn on his heel and pretend nobody saw. All that remains is an air of shame and a floor strewn with garbage.
Fearlessly taking a blade to his beard, this whiskered crusader mercilessly hacks away pesky stubble while deftly protecting the skin beneath. Yet at the end of his brave quest, the spoils of war—hair scraggles, shaving cream smears and clumps of the two combined—are carelessly left to decompose in the sink and often make their way to the drain to gunk it up.
Closely related to the Sink Clogger, the Hairball Hoarder always selects the shower as the scene of her crimes. With every shampoo, she leaves her mark in the shower drain (or, sometimes, wadded up on the shower walls) in the form of a giant, wet, soap-scummy hairball. Sometimes, this offender is so sneaky that you might not notice the accumulating hair nest until it’s too late: The shower water starts pooling around your ankles, and you know the Hairball Hoarder has stymied the drain again!
You know who you are. (And if you don’t, your spouse is well aware.)
To the Towel Tosser, every bathroom’s a hotel suite, with an invisible housekeeper just waiting to collect the damp terrycloth. This mess maker has seemingly never heard of a towel bar or hook—to the floor it goes! The Towel Tosser has also been known to leave a generous tip in the form of dirty undies or a balled-up sock in the corner. Lucky you!
This master of disguise uses the bathroom vanity as her painter’s palette, spreading rouge, bronze and nude powders, endless inky pencils and a rainbow of eye shadows. Her face is the canvas, but her true masterpiece is the Jackson Pollock in the sink basin.